Being A Friend To A Person With A Disability
1. Special Gifting Or Not You do not have to have a “special gifting” to work with people with disabilities. You will soon find out that they are a person too that wants love and acceptance just like anybody else.
2. General Rule Of Thumb Treat a person with a disability the same way that you would want to be treated.
3. Have Open Eyes Be aware of what God wants to show you and what you can learn from a person with a disability.
4. See Their Ability Look for a person’s ability rather that their disability. You can also help them see their own abilities.
5. Listen To Them Be genuine and let them know you care. Take the time to listen. Ask questions. People with disabilities want to be known the same as you or I.
6. Look Into Their Eyes Look a person with a disability in the eyes and remember that they are people with real feelings, hopes and dreams. Don’t concentrate on what is making you feel uncomfortable (i.e. their wheelchair, physical appearance, etc.), but concentrate on the fact that there is a person behind this physical appearance.
7. Greeting Someone Don’t be afraid to touch a person with a disability--i.e. handshake or shoulder touch. Should I shake their hand? Yes, especially if they move their hand or possibly a prosthetic hand towards you. Remember: Touching communicates acceptance & warmth. (Mark 1:41)
8. Speaking To Someone Have your voice be tone appropriate to their age. If you don’t know if a person can mentally comprehend what you are saying, it’s better to speak on a higher level to them. You don’t want to insult someone by speaking down to them.
9. Speech Difficulties When talking to someone that might have a speech impediment and is difficult to understand, the worst thing you can do is to fake that you do know what they said. It’s better to say, “I’m sorry, could you say that again.” It’s okay if you have to do this several times. The important part is that you are willing to try and communicate with this person.
10. Speaking Boards If someone uses a speaking board to communicate, you need to be willing to give them time to spell out what they want to say. If they have a speaking board, they probably know how to use it. So don’t be afraid to say hi and talk to them. Make them feel welcome just like anybody else.
11. Talking To A Person In A Wheelchair Stand back so they don’t have to look straight up or better yet, sit down to talk to them.
12. Ask If They Want Help Generally, with any disability, it’s always good to ask a person if he or she needs help. Don’t just assume that they need help. Be willing to be bold and ask, don’t just sit back and hope someone else does it or they will get it themselves.
13. Wheelchairs: Extension of the Body It’s always good to remember that the wheelchair is an extension of a person’s body. You don’t just grab a person’s arm and say, “Come with me.” The same is true for someone in a wheelchair. You shouldn’t just grab their wheelchair and start pushing them. You need to ask them if they want some help or would like you to push their chair. Also remember that you shouldn’t rest your foot or your hand on someone’s wheelchair, especially if you have just met this person.
14. Pushing Wheelchairs When pushing a wheelchair, especially if you are playing a game, be in control of the wheelchair. i.e. don’t make sharp turns while going fast, and watch out for bumps. The last thing you want is to dump someone out of their wheelchair. Also, don’t tip the wheelchair back. This can be scary for them.
15. Behavioral Issues Sometimes people with disabilities are socially challenged and behavioral issues come up, especially for people with downs syndrome (some of them can be quite stubborn). Remember that these are people just like anyone else who get upset and frustrated; our part is to be a friend, to listen, to show that you care, to allow them to be upset, but to help them to be in control. When you ask kids to do something try, if possible, to give them choices so they feel empowered. And remember to give them time to make their choice; often kids just need some time to think and make a decision. If problems arise it is best to talk to them one on one in a private conversation. When you are talking to them, but more importantly listening to them, be at the same level as they are (i.e. standing or sitting with them). It’s helpful to speak calmly to them and to not take their emotions personally. If it’s appropriate, support them with a hug or prayer, but notes that some people don’t want to be touched when they are upset, especially people that are autistic.
***Once you start being a friend to a person with a disability, you will soon stop seeing him or her as disabled. You will see a person who desires love, acceptance, and friendship just like we all do.
***One of the most important things to remember is to just relax and be their friend. The rest will come with time.
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